Pet peeve #1

I think it's about time I told you folks about the No. 1 pet peeve I have.

It's not stupid drivers. It's not white people (as my ethnic background often leads people to believe). It's not even people who talk too loudly on their cell phones in public places (although I am of the persuasion that people who do that deserve to be hit in the head with a tack hammer).

My number one pet peeve is:

(insert drumroll here)



That's right. Leg shaving.

I cannot even begin to tell you how grossed out I was while putting this picture up. Looking at it in HTML isn't so bad, but I can tell you I won't be looking at my blog proudly until I put the next post up. Blech.

Now, you may be wondering what brought on this revelation...

Blame Karl:

dshafa: Weird day today
Karl: really?
dshafa: yeah
dshafa: wore a cap and gown for my senior pictars
Karl: is that the weird part?
dshafa: yep
dshafa:it was weird to put that on...
Karl: That is kinda weird. It's like every other weekend, where I put on a flannel nightgown and shave my legs. Oh, but we're talking about you.
Karl: sorry.
dshafa: dude
dshafa: that's hideous
dshafa: and gross


That's right. I am thoroughly grossified out by thinking about, hearing about or (Dear God in Heaven) seeing the process of leg shaving.

It's like sausages and transmissions.

I don't want to know how it happens. I just like that it does. So long as I'm not around for the process, I am a happy camper.

I'm a doctor's kid, so I'm pretty well comfortable with human body processes. Granted, I still find farts funny, but that's a guy thing. When I was in elementary school, I remember being perfectly at ease with how women have a menstrual cycle when all the girls were absolutely mortified and all the guys were making that "I don't trust anything that bleeds for three days and doesn't die" joke that they heard from their dads.

I was cool as ice. That coolness served me especially well through such classroom learning experiences such as "The Video" in the eighth grade. I was okay through almost all of that video, and then they showed the baby being born and I lost it. I let out one "BLARGH!" scream and then went silent. Been okay with it ever since, although I'm absolutely, 100 percent certain that I don't want to see it again. It's not especially traumatizing.

From my perspective, it's like the time I ate the hottest hot sauce they have at a local wing joint. I did it. It was disturbing at the time. I look back on it now and am okay. But I'm not doing it again.

Ladies, I'm hoping you take into account that this is the man's point of view. I have nothing but the greatest of respect for you and the torment you must have endured in the process of bringing a baby with a head the size of a large cantaloupe into this world through your loins.

I'm fine with all that jazz.

But leg shaving?

*gag*

I don't know why this developed. Just one day, someone mentioned it and I had a problem with it. It gets me made fun of a lot (and it's used against me far more than I ever want to admit), but somehow I think I'll survive.

If anyone has any bright ideas about how to cure me of this, I'm open to suggestions so long as they do not include me shaving my own legs. That is NOT happening.

***

Anyway, as you might have gathered, today I had my senior pictures taken. I was very uncomfortable throughout most of it. I don't like smiling because (for any of you that don't know this), I never wore braces when I should have. I'm also terrified of dentists, but most people sympathize with this. I'm sure I'll end up getting this fixed eventually, but not right now.

So I smile with my mouth closed. And I still look okay doing it, except I can never figure out how to smile right without a mirror. So I used a mirror to position my smile and held it.

Then they made me put on the graduation cap and gown. And man, what a head trip that was. It seriously felt unholy and wrong and I heard a voice in my head that said "go to graduate school or get another undergrad degree." It felt like I was meant to stay in college another four or 10 years, but I know that's not happening.

So here I go... I'm not sure what to do next...

Any suggestions for how I should celebrate this momentous occasion (aside from the standard "go get a job!" remark)? I'll do anything so long as it's family friendly and doesn't involve me putting my life at risk. Then, I'll photograph or videotape said celebration.

Cool? Cool.